Skip to main content

The Sacred Sandwich

Yesterday a news story about a "blasphemous sandwich" popped up on my Facebook feed. The cafe in question had a caramelised onion, chutney, cheddar and mozzarella sandwich named the Cheesus Christ, which someone took exception to. They vandalised the cafe sign, demanded that the sandwich be removed from the menu, and - I rather liked this touch - wanted the cafe to donate £300 to the local church. The cafe declined all requests.

Well, I'm afraid that tickled my brain. So may I introduce my latest business venture, The Sacred Sandwich Cafe. Donations to any church in your vicinity are welcome, whether you are offended or not.


Menu

Breakfast

The Holy Toast - French toast topped with vanilla yoghurt, fresh strawberries, and maple syrup. A spiritual experience.

Eggs-alted on High - two poached eggs on super-seeded bread. Guaranteed to raise you from slumber.

Bacon-viction of Sin - unforgivably large bread roll stuffed with thick-cut bacon.


Sandwiches



The Great I Ham - Bow down before this sandwich, full of honey roast ham, lettuce, tomato, mustard, mayo and pickles.

Prawn Again - Cross-ty white bread filled with lemony prawn mayo. You'll feel like a new person!

Turn the Other Cheek'n - You'll be ready to forgive all your enemies when you've eaten this beautiful sandwich containing lightly spiced chicken breast, cucumber and tomato.

Tunafish-ers of Men - Come, follow me to a perfect tuna and sweetcorn sandwich.


Salads


Render Unto Caesar Salad - romaine lettuce, chicken, caesar dressing and croutons. Worth every penny.

Lettuce Pray - Mixed salad leaves topped with halloumi cheese, strawberries and toasted pecans. Give thanks for every bite.


Hot food

The Truth Will Set You Brie - bacon, brie and cranberry panini. It's true!

Hot God - sacred sausage in a bread roll, topped with fried onions, mustard and relish. Divine.

Bacon-substantiation - a substantial mouthful of bacon, sausage, mushrooms, tomato and fried egg, all in a giant bread roll. Not quite the body of Christ, but pretty close.

Cheesus Christ - panini with melted cheddar and mozzarella, Mediterranean vegetables and basil pesto. A genuine saviour!

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Churnet Way: a wonderful walk

The loop from Oakamoor to Froghall and back was one of the most enjoyable walks I've done in a long time. It had a bit of everything: woods, ponds, rivers and railways; steep climbs and sweeping views; an unusual church, an ex-industrial wharf, and, as a final bonus, car parks with toilets. Of course, the sunny weather helped too. I parked in Oakamoor and set off along a quiet lane called Stoney Dale. This is the route of the Churnet Way, which deviates away from the river for a couple of miles. After a while I turned right and climbed up through the woods on a gravelly path, then dropped down to the B5417. a spring in Oakamoor   Crossing the road, I entered Hawksmoor Nature Reserve. It has some fine gateposts commemorating John Richard Beech Masefield, "a great naturalist". I found a photo of the opening of the gateway in 1933; unsurprisingly, the trees have grown a lot since then! A track took me down through the woods to East Wall Farm. Lovely view! Nice duck pond as ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Greece is the word! Part 1: Athens

The last few times we have been on holiday, my family has asked, "Mum, are you going to blog about this one?" It's felt like an overwhelming task. For a start, we now have FOUR phones with photos on, rather than one digital camera. Also, I regularly write quite long blog posts about three-hour walks. How on earth will I summarise a full week's holiday? But this time, I thought I should try. It's one of the most enjoyable holidays we've had in a while, and I've definitely done too many Peak District posts recently. Everyone needs a change of scenery. So here we go, jetting off to Athens. Day 1 We landed at Athens airport in a looming thunderstorm, but the worst of the rain held off until we'd made it safely to our apartment. Graham had earmarked a nice little restaurant called Lolos for dinner - eating shell-on prawns in tomato sauce was a deliciously messy experience - and we went to bed early after our 3am start. Day 2 Next day we climbed Philopappos ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Derwent Valley: Belper and Duffield

I'm getting into familiar territory with this walk. Duffield is one of the closest places that I can easily drive to and climb a hill, so I've done lots of walking around here. It's surprising how many new places I still see, though. Temperature: warm. Likelihood of being attacked by hordes of nettles: low. I decide to wear shorts. It's a good choice. The paths are well-trodden, and the sun is bright, though there's a pleasant breeze. There's plenty of free parking by Duffield church, so I drive there and walk across a field to the main road. Veering left up King Street, there is lots to see: the Methodist church, a butchers, and a penny-farthing gate. At the cemetery, I turn right and pick up a path towards the golf course. I'm heading towards the Chevin Hills here, which are the absolute lower reaches of the Pennine range. The ancient trackway along the ridge of the hills is another favourite walk. But today I'm just going straight down the other side ...
Post a Comment
Read more