The Sacred Sandwich

Yesterday a news story about a "blasphemous sandwich" popped up on my Facebook feed. The cafe in question had a caramelised onion, chutney, cheddar and mozzarella sandwich named the Cheesus Christ, which someone took exception to. They vandalised the cafe sign, demanded that the sandwich be removed from the menu, and - I rather liked this touch - wanted the cafe to donate £300 to the local church. The cafe declined all requests.

Well, I'm afraid that tickled my brain. So may I introduce my latest business venture, The Sacred Sandwich Cafe. Donations to any church in your vicinity are welcome, whether you are offended or not.

Ten books that shaped my life in some way. Now that wasn't a problem. I scanned the bookshelves and picked out nine favourites without the slightest difficulty (the tenth took a little longer). The problem was that, on the Facebook challenge, I wasn't supposed to explain why . Nope. Having picked out my ten, I couldn't let them go without saying why they were special to me. These books are more than a collection of words by an author. They are particular editions of those words - taped-up, egg-stained, dust-jacketless and battered - which have come into my life, been carried around to different homes, and become part of who I am. How to Be a Domestic Goddess Well, every woman needs an instruction manual, doesn't she? Nigella's recipes mean lazy Saturday mornings eating pancakes, comforting crumbles on a rainy night, Christmas cakes, savoury onion pies and mounds of bread dough. If you avoid the occasional extravagance (20 mini Bundt tins...

Unto us a son is given...

Did I mention something about life getting back to normal in October? Oh yes, I was just finishing work and looking forward to at least two weeks off to organise the house, stock up the freezer and buy baby stuff. Then little Toby threw a spanner in the works by turning up five weeks early! Which would put his birthday in... let's see... October. So much for normal! For those who would like the gory details, here goes. If you are a mother who had a long and protracted labour, I advise you to skip the next bit - or if you don't, please don't start sending me hate mail. You have been warned. You see, we'd been to all the childbirth classes (yes, just about managed to finish them) and learned all about the different stages of labour, and how many hours each lasted. We learned some relaxation techniques and various things Graham could do to help coach me through long periods of contractions. And then we turned out not to need any of them, because the entire thing...

Cake creations

Many of the cakes I make at work come from a book of designs, mainly produced by Decopac . We are supposed to only make cakes from these designs. Often, however, customers come in with a picture or idea and ask if we can make it for them. Always up for a challenge, I usually agree. I then try and get a snap of the finished article with my mobile phone. And I thought you all might like to see what I do all day... A co-worker asked if I could draw frogs. Funnily enough, owing to an incident in my teenage years (involving a friend with a boyfriend called Frog and the signing of end-of-school shirts), I could. This cute cupcake cake was the result. This is what his family wanted. I'm not sure what David thought of the idea. However, my newly-acquired airbrushing skills were put to good use. See, I haven't forgotten all my chemistry! Not quite there, but it's quite difficult to make an irregular hexagon into a kitten. You will notice that this is another cupcake cake...

Martha's Marvellous Munchies

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