Skip to main content

The Sacred Sandwich

Yesterday a news story about a "blasphemous sandwich" popped up on my Facebook feed. The cafe in question had a caramelised onion, chutney, cheddar and mozzarella sandwich named the Cheesus Christ, which someone took exception to. They vandalised the cafe sign, demanded that the sandwich be removed from the menu, and - I rather liked this touch - wanted the cafe to donate £300 to the local church. The cafe declined all requests.

Well, I'm afraid that tickled my brain. So may I introduce my latest business venture, The Sacred Sandwich Cafe. Donations to any church in your vicinity are welcome, whether you are offended or not.


Menu

Breakfast

The Holy Toast - French toast topped with vanilla yoghurt, fresh strawberries, and maple syrup. A spiritual experience.

Eggs-alted on High - two poached eggs on super-seeded bread. Guaranteed to raise you from slumber.

Bacon-viction of Sin - unforgivably large bread roll stuffed with thick-cut bacon.


Sandwiches



The Great I Ham - Bow down before this sandwich, full of honey roast ham, lettuce, tomato, mustard, mayo and pickles.

Prawn Again - Cross-ty white bread filled with lemony prawn mayo. You'll feel like a new person!

Turn the Other Cheek'n - You'll be ready to forgive all your enemies when you've eaten this beautiful sandwich containing lightly spiced chicken breast, cucumber and tomato.

Tunafish-ers of Men - Come, follow me to a perfect tuna and sweetcorn sandwich.


Salads


Render Unto Caesar Salad - romaine lettuce, chicken, caesar dressing and croutons. Worth every penny.

Lettuce Pray - Mixed salad leaves topped with halloumi cheese, strawberries and toasted pecans. Give thanks for every bite.


Hot food

The Truth Will Set You Brie - bacon, brie and cranberry panini. It's true!

Hot God - sacred sausage in a bread roll, topped with fried onions, mustard and relish. Divine.

Bacon-substantiation - a substantial mouthful of bacon, sausage, mushrooms, tomato and fried egg, all in a giant bread roll. Not quite the body of Christ, but pretty close.

Cheesus Christ - panini with melted cheddar and mozzarella, Mediterranean vegetables and basil pesto. A genuine saviour!

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One hundred churches

About the middle of January, I was walking to school one afternoon when it occurred to me that I must have visited quite a few churches on my explorations. I started counting them. But I quickly ran out of fingers, so when I got home I plotted them on Google Maps. Not only was the number much higher than I was expecting, it was also tantalisingly close to one hundred. Only a few dozen to go. So of course, every walk since then has had to include at least one church! Last Monday I visited my hundredth church: St John the Baptist, Dethick. It was a beautiful little 13-century building with an unusual tower - I was glad it had claimed the 100 spot. I haven't been inside every church. Sometimes they were locked; sometimes I was in a hurry and didn't try the door. St Leonard's Church in Alton had bellringers practicing, and I almost interrupted a funeral when I stuck my head through the door of St Mary's, Marston-on-Dove. A few, such as St Oswald's, Ashbourne, and St Wys...
Post a Comment
Read more

Derwent Valley Heritage Way: Steep drops ahead

It's been a long time since I fitted that much up and down into an eight-mile walk! 740m of steep climbs and steps. My legs were not very happy with me the next day. Between Matlock and Cromford, the Derwent River runs through a deep valley, with Matlock Bath - a landlocked town which pretends to be a seaside resort - down at the bottom. The ridge of high ground used to run all the way round to Scarthin Rock, cutting off Cromford from the rest of the valley, until somebody blasted a hole through it to build the A6. Matlock Bath: pavilion and amusement park I started in Cromford and climbed over the ridge at Harp Edge, then followed a path along through the woods, with the ground dropping sharply away to my right. There were a few small caves among the trees. At Upperwood someone had thoughtfully provided a bench. I wasn't in need of a rest just yet, though. In fact, I was feeling so bouncy that I went down an entirely unnecessary flight of steps, instead of staying on the reaso...
Post a Comment
Read more

Limestone Way - the end! (for now...)

Bonsall is a pretty little village just up the road from Cromford. It was the centre point for my final Limestone Way walk. First I walked one way, back towards Ible, then I walked the other way to Matlock. I started at the fountain and climbed up to a tree in which a mistle thrush was singing loudly (helpfully identified by the Merlin app). A few fields took me across to the hamlet of Slaley. Then there was a pleasant walk through the woods, which dropped steeply to my left down to the Via Gellia. At Dunsley Springs the stream went right over the edge.  I made my way down more gradually, and then was faced with the long climb up again to the point near Leys Farm where I was rejoining the Limestone Way. Tree down! Rejoining the Limestone Way Once I'd reached the top, it was a very pleasant walk across dry grassy fields. There were signs of old mining activity, which suddenly made the ground feel less solid under my feet - how many holes were hiding under the turf? Back at Bonsall, ...
Post a Comment
Read more