Martha's Marvellous Munchies

All of a sudden, the island exploded. The glow of molten rock lit up the night, as, with a sound like the cascading of a million marbles, the land slumped into the sea.  Chunks of stone shot into the air as if catapulted by a giant hand, and the ocean writhed as it was pelted by countless burning pebbles.  A great cloud of ash rose up, blackening the stars and blotting out the moon. After a time, the turmoil ceased, and the island grew quiet again.  The ash settled silently on the surface of the sea. Slowly, the dust and ash sank beneath the waves.  Down it drifted, down into the deep, and became rock again, pressed against the sea bed.  The feathery forms of ancient creatures fell too, and left their imprint .  Plants?  Animals?  Impossible to know.  Their kind long ago vanished from the earth. Time passed.  Continents shifted.  Seas rose and fell.  The unstoppable movement of tectonic plates bent the rock, lifted it and shaped it, and finally made it part of a new island.  Th

Welcome to the world!  For the next two months you are officially the second cutest thing in the universe.*  Make the most of it.  A carefully timed smile will get you anything, even when you've just spat milk over their best clothes.  You will find you have particular influence on women over the age of 50, especially if their name is Grandma.  Here are some other useful notes for your first few weeks of life. The one they call Mum is your food supply.  It is imperative you keep track of her at all times.  If she shows the slightest inclination towards an independent life; for example, by having a shower, reading a book, or even, heaven forbid, trying to leave the house without you, start screaming immediately.  This is a clear violation of your baby rights. It is recommended that you activate your extra-sensory device as soon as possible after birth.  This cunning gadget enables you to detect when your family sits down to eat, even if you are apparently fast asleep or in an